Carnegie's Third Principle: Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

When one goes fishing, one baits the hook for what the fish one wants to catch. We want the fish to bite the hook, so we make the hook appetizing to it. The same can be generalized to the rest of life; if we want someone to do something, we have to make it worth their while.

Carnegie tells of how Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son were trying to move a calf into the barn, the calf wan't interested in going and put up a fight. The housemaid noticed the struggle and walked to the calf, inserted her finger in the calf's mouth and lead the suckling calf into the barn with ease. Another instance was on my family's farm; we couldn't get a mother pig to leave her newborn piglets so we could notch their ears and so we put the piglets in a basket and had the mother follow. We led the mother to an enclosure, returned to the field, and did what we came to do. The mother wouldn't leave by any force we could muster, but would go easily if it was in her interest.

We have to convince people the same way, that what we want is what they want.

I wanted to buy a new car and the motor company only offered me 7% interest on financing. I had set in my mind that I wouldn't pay over 5% and knew that given my credit I could find lower so I went to a bank in my office building. I was initially turned down, and in a moment if disappointment I called my friend whom I listed as a reference (being one of the few people I knew since I had recently moved to the area). I told her that I didn't understand the risk; I have great credit (for any age, let alone a 21 year old at the time), I was a federal employee and worked only 50 feet from them so they knew where to find me, and that writing me the loan would be pure profit with no risk.

My friend ended up, unbeknownst to me, being a member of the Board of Directors and I had just convinced her that it was worth the bank writing the loan. She promptly called the branch manager and had her fill out the paperwork to be signed the next morning and that she would vouch for me should anyone question it.

I ended up convincing a bank to write a 21 year-old a loan for $12,500 on 4.5% interest; not because I said it would be great for me or because of a sympathy card, but because I told them how this would work best for them.

Homework:

Charm and the appearance of innocence will get you anywhere you want to go. With much caution, see about pushing the limits a bit. Using mild flirtation I have gotten half off my meals at restaurants, comped tickets, and a few other things. It isn't a toy, don't be that guy that does it constantly because it will lose the effect.