Carnegie's First Principle to Get People to Like You: Be Genuinely Interested in Other People

All animals on a farm are present to serve a purpose; pigs yield pork, cows milk and beef, chickens eggs and meat, but what do dogs provide save their unmatched loyalty and love? In the family communications field family is defined as a group of people who share a history and believe they will have a common future together. What is love but this, a belief in a common future which generally then develops emotional/sentimental attachments.

The issue may arise that an individual feels the scales of the relationship are tipped in the others favor; if the individual doesn't feel the shared history is worth adjusting to accommodate, the relationship may be terminated. The New York Telephone Company preformed a study (one that I can't find a date for) analyzing phone conversations. The word "I" was used over 3,900 times in the course of 500 conversations. We tend to talk about ourselves because it happens to be the subject we know the best. Conversing about the other person tends to develop relationships. For one, you are learning about the other person; but secondly, you are showing an interest in that person's favorite subject: themselves.

Carnegie told the story of a fuel salesman who was to participate in a debate during one of his lectures. The man was previously turned down by a chain store as a supplier of their fuel and he was therefore against chain stores in general. For the debate Carnegie had the salesman take the stance of pro-chain store. The man returned to the CEO of the chain which turned him down to gather information, making it perfectly clear he wasn't there for a sales call. After a few hours of conversation about the company the CEO asked the man to return another time so he could establish a business relationship with the man. Because the salesman showed an interest in the CEO and his ventures, the CEO was interested in him.

Carnegie continued to tell stories of this same nature but to the effect of this:

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Think about it. Successful salespeople, no matter the breed, seem to have a genuine interest in you. When I get coffee I always go to the same place, not because their coffee is better than others, Heaven knows that isn't it, but because they are always personable and remember my order every time. When I was a barista (maker of coffee) I would converse with my customers to learn what they liked; I would always make their drinks the way they liked, without me having to be told by them every time. One day a customer came in and told me she was here on behalf of one of my regulars and explained that she was told specifically that if "the blonde kid" isn't there don't buy. I showed interest in each customer and they in turn tipped well and always returned.

Homework:

Before diving into a lengthy conversation about yourself remember to keep the scales even and ask about the other person. If you dominate talking it goes from a conversation to a lecture.